In joining the crowd, it appears I only post anymore when something is really out-of-control in my life.

I am sick of my old summer job.  I'm tired of wearing a uniform and coming home smelly.  I enjoy my co-workers but I also don't really fit in with them.  I'm sick of missing get-togethers because I have to work almost every single Saturday.  I am, intellectually speaking, getting bored out of my mind.

Last month, I found a PR job through almost no effort on my part--they saw my resume on Monster and contacted me.  I interviewed and they loved me.  But it was too far away to commute, and who wants to move to a random, expensive town in North Jersey where he/she doesn't know a single soul?  I feel like people do it all the time, but I just can't see doing it, or at least not unless it's my dream job, and this job wasn't it.  Something I'd be good at...something I really considered when I sat in that interview room...but not something I hungered to do.

That's kind of the problem, I have this need to want to do something, otherwise I can't see myself doing it at all.  But what do I want to do?

I want to go back to graduate school.  And I think I really do want to work toward a doctorate, and one day teach at a college or university.  But that's sort of terrifying.  All those numbers stare at me...only 20 or 30% of doctorate grads in the humanities actually find academic jobs.  Never mind the fact that I don't really know exactly what degree I want to earn anyway...and direction is rather important when one is pursuing specialized study (i.e. grad work!).  And I also excel at spending money that should go into a savings account on clothing.  Yep.

I've also been having this idle though, "hey, I might be a good paralegal."  Once I, you know, get past the whole selling my soul thing.  (Don't know where this aversion I have to the corporate world came from, I just know it's there).  That's something I'd have to really throw myself at...work my way in from some kind of administrative assistant, commit some months/years so I can move up, then go to school to get a certificate.  That's all well and good...but does that mean I'll get absorbed in that, and kiss the academic world goodbye?

I need to do something now, but I feel so paralyzed.  I'm sitting here looking at phone numbers for staffing agencies, for human resource directors of large law firms in Philadelphia, and web pages of job listings at large universities.  Where do I start?  Where do I concentrate my efforts?  What do I want to do?

There are so many places to direct my energy, but I just don't know where to turn next.